How I Fell in Love With Jamaica

There are a few things you have to do when you go to Jamaica. One of these things is not something discussed in, ahem, present company (present company being the WHOLE WIDE WORLD). But I can tell you that it's most definitely not OK to visit Jamaica without (a) eating jerk chicken and (b) drinking Red Stripe.

C and I were lucky to find an absolutely wonderful and beautiful angel in Marva Shaw. Marva customised a tour of Ocho Rios for us, steering us away from the throngs of uninspired tourists (ie, those who book ALL their shore excursions through the cruise lines) and taking us to a roadside shack for pottery, a total dive for lunch, and a bizarre little chaat-like joint for beef patties.

At the risk of sounding like a shill, Marva is the best freaking tour guide we've ever had. We loved her so much we wanted to book a week-long vacation in Jamaica on the spot; she's a great lady with an huge heart, and Jamaican down to her very soul.

Our day started early, with a tour of Dunn's River Falls. While they are most definitely a tourist trap, Marva got us there long befor the buses showed up. The Falls are really lovely, though I have to say that they pale in comparison to the waterfalls we visited on the Big Island in Hawaii. That said, walking the mouth of the river where it feeds into the vast ocean was breathtaking.

At this point, C needed sustenance, so we made a quick pit-stop at Juici Patties for a couple of flaky, buttery packets filled with curried ground beef, and a Coco Bread. Cost for three patties and two breads? Two bucks. I felt like I was robbing these people.

Next up was our tour of Prospect Plantation, one of the oldest working plantations in Ocho Rios.

Our hysterically funny tour guides drove us through the property on a jitney, all the while telling jokes and teasing us in Patois (which, apparently, my husband speaks nearly fluently!?!?); we sampled sugar cane (it tastes like RUM!), cassava, fresh young coconut (picked by our crazy guide off a 30-foot tree), and allspice. Did I mention the bottles of Red Stripe that accompanied us on the tour? At 10am?

From there we were off to a local lunch joint that Marva picked for us. We were the only non-Jamaicans in this outdoor shack, which was EXACTLY what we were looking for.

C ordered jerk chicken, which was served with a scotch bonnet (aka habanero) sauce that registered "insane" on the Scoville scale. The chicken itself was so fresh-tasting and juicy-tender that it might actually have come from the coop in the backyard.

Meanwhile, I happily tucked into my Curry Goat. Tender little bits of goaty goodness (hi Biggles!) in a spicy, saucy curry with plenty of bony bits to gnaw on, this was served with "Festival Bread", a yeasty, doughy, slightly sweeted "breadstick" which is baked then deep-fried. Faintly reminiscent of a hush puppy, I might have eaten thrice my share of Festival bread had it not seemed terribly improper.

The damage for this awesome meal, including a couple of Red Stripes? Fifteen bucks. I never felt more like a highway robber. And you know, I might feel better about it if I could send you back to this place, but I don't even know what it's called!

After a bit of shopping from some local merchants, Marva dropped us off back at the pier. With a big hug and a promise to keep in touch, we were on our way... Next stop, Grand Cayman!

Tags: Jamaica, Ocho Rios, Curry, Jerk, Caribbean, Cruise, Food, Food & Drink

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