Well, it seems that BlogHer has caused quite a stir in this here Blogosphere. A quick search on Technorati reveals nearly 2,000 posts on the subject, and a great many of those posts have an earful to say about the context of the conference.
Add to that the really lovely and supporting comments you guys have left on my earlier post about the topic, and you've got the makings for a lot of self-examination and more than a cursory look at one's own community.
And then it hit me: The food-blogging community has a disproportionately high number of child-free members. I count no fewer than 10 people in my blogroll (yea, that one over there on the right) whom I know to have chosen not to have kids.
I find that fascinating. And before you bring it up, I don't actually think it has to do with the people I'm drawn to, because most of the people on my blogroll were there before I ever developed friendships with them. So, it's less of a self-fulfilling prophecy than you might think.
I suppose that generally speaking, foodies are a pretty hedonistic crowd, which maybe doesn't lend itself to the types of sacrifices it takes to be a great parent. But that's just not food bloggers, is it? I mean, everyone has their days of debauchery. So why this odd disparity?
(For the record, there are also some wickedly awesome parents in my blogroll -- people who are raising little human beings that are smart, funny, well-mannered and a joy to be around. So shushie.)
Tags: BlogHer, Motherhood, Parenting, Food, Food & Drink, San Francisco
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When I signed up for BlogHer 2006, and even convinced a good friend to attend with me, I had no idea that I'd walk away with such incredibly strong feelings about the event. I thought it would be a great way to connect with the owners of the dozens of non-food blogs I read, learn something about the way other communities in the blogosphere work, and maybe even forge a few new friendships.
Instead, I left San Jose feeling a little alienated, though perhaps a bit more educated as well. Before proceeding however, I feel like I should give you a bit of background. This post is one of the most personal I've ever written, so I hope you'll be patient with me.
I am a child-free woman by choice and I married a man who doesn't wish to be a father. Ergo, we have a DINK marriage that is highly likely to stay that way. I hate using the term "childless" as it implies that I'm "missing" something, whereas "child-free" indicates a choice. I most certainly don't disparage any other woman for choosing parenthood, and in fact, see them as fiercely strong people.
So, it really saddened me when I left BlogHer yesterday feeling as though I'd inadvertently attended a Mommy-Blogging conference, and not a conference for all women. Throughout most of the day, I was surrounded by a derisiveness and cliquishness that sent me a message loud and clear: "Motherhood is the only choice".
To say that I already feel marginalized by many women who think that there is "something wrong with me" for not wanting to be a mom is an understatement. I just didn't expect to find that attitude at a conference filled with women who are participating in a world-changing new medium.
I think of myself as a fairly outgoing person. I smile a lot, especially around people I'd like to meet. I haven't felt so bewilderingly "shot down" as I did yesterday in a very, very long time.
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One of the really lovely ladies I met yesterday (in the food & wine "roundtable") is a fellow foodie who is also a mom. We'll use her first initial to preserve her anonymity. "M" filled me in on some of what she'd heard coming out of the "Mommy-Blogging" session. It seems that the working moms felt like the whole discussion had been pre-empted by the SAHMs, of which there were many. It shocks me that, even between mothers, there is this "us against them" attitude.
She also told me that, last year, it was the mommy-bloggers who'd felt marginalized by the non-moms. That there were few sessions designed for them. So they all went back and wrote about BlogHer on their blogs. They created a "call to arms" of sorts, and banded together to get what they wanted and needed out of BlogHer 2006.
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So, tell me, what would you do?
Part of me wants to write to each and every woman I tried to make small talk with, and who failed to respond with even a glimmer of a smile -- sure, I know some of you are "A-list Bloggers", as it were, but you came to this conference for a reason, and I hope that reason wasn't to feed your egos. So why the cold shoulder?
Another part of me wants to create my OWN call-to-arms, and descend upon BlogHer 2007 with a contingent of food and wine bloggers. And, of course, volunteer for the planning committee to create relevant topics for us.
Because that's the other thing about yesterday -- even in the closing keynote with such luminaries as Arianna Huffington and Grace Davis, the damn discussion kept turning towards the implications (and applications) of blogging to motherhood. So much so, in fact, that one woman finally stood up and called the panel on it.
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OK, I've vented enough. But I just had to get this out, and where better to do that than in my beloved Blogosphere? I don't regret attending BlogHer for one moment, and I know I'll go back next year.
Call me an overachiever. Or a glutton for punishment.
Tags: BlogHer, Motherhood, Parenting, Food, Women, Huffington, Blogs, San Francisco, San Jose
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